The "news"

We were in the McDonalds drive-through when I read the news.
They had ice-cream.
I had a melt-down.

It's one of those situations, when you later say: "I remember exactly the moment..." Years from now, I will never forget the exact moment I found out one of my students killed himself.

Again, it brings tears to my eyes to write this.

The tears! My immediate grief surprised me. I have only known this student since January--a mere 5 months. I was consumed with a tidal wave of sadness, confusion and empathy for his family...resulting in sobbing like I haven't known since the last episode of Downton Abbey.

Then, the lingering sadness! Throughout the rest of the day,for hours, I scoured The Facebooks like I never have before; a real Creeper, as "my kids" would say. I thought of this young man and his family--particularly, his mother. How is it that the thought of him, which used to illicit a smile, can now brings pangs of sorrow to my heart and tears to my eyes?

As I search for acceptance and meaning through this tragedy, just like everyone else who loves him, something becomes a little clearer to me. It is the first glimpse of Truth or wisdom I can glean from it all, and this young man set me on a path towards it....

...towards the topic of teaching, that is. I find myself realizing some things...

My whole experience as a teacher took a new turn this year. Now, i'm not referring to this particular sad event, but the months leading up to it. This student, along with others, led me to realize how special it is to be a teacher.

Maybe I wasn't in the "right place" before...and I don't mean location: I mean in my life....but I have been embraced. Rather than try to struggle and resist (like I have done in the past), I have relaxed, appreciated the embrace and decided to hug back.

Please forgive the vague terms...I hope to elaborate eventually. I am still sorting through these huge emotions. I decided to write about it because I know it helps to "get it out" and i figured I might get some appreciated feedback.

I already feel better. I was able to muddle through these thoughts with no tears. In fact, I just realized that I was smiling while thinking of him.


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