tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5611521345961549192024-02-08T12:46:45.272-08:00Beyond the BunionLife after the Sarcoma/ Knee-Bunion Adventure.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-36473185310586241312013-07-07T05:49:00.001-07:002013-07-07T05:50:15.733-07:00The "news"<br />We were in the McDonalds drive-through when I read the news.<br />They had ice-cream. <br />I had a melt-down.<br /><br />It's one of those situations, when you later say: "I remember exactly the moment..." Years from now, I will never forget the exact moment I found out one of my students killed himself. <br /><br />Again, it brings tears to my eyes to write this. <br /><br />The tears! My immediate grief surprised me. I have only known this student since January--a mere 5 months. I was consumed with a tidal wave of sadness, confusion and empathy for his family...resulting in sobbing like I haven't known since the last episode of Downton Abbey.<br /><br />Then, the lingering sadness! Throughout the rest of the day,for hours, I scoured The Facebooks like I never have before; a real Creeper, as "my kids" would say. I thought of this young man and his family--particularly, his mother. How is it that the thought of him, which used to illicit a smile, can now brings pangs of sorrow to my heart and tears to my eyes?<br /><br />As I search for acceptance and meaning through this tragedy, just like everyone else who loves him, something becomes a little clearer to me. It is the first glimpse of Truth or wisdom I can glean from it all, and this young man set me on a path towards it....<br /><br />...towards the topic of teaching, that is. I find myself realizing some things...<br /><br />My whole experience as a teacher took a new turn this year. Now, i'm not referring to this particular sad event, but the months leading up to it. This student, along with others, led me to realize how special it is to be a teacher. <br /><br />Maybe I wasn't in the "right place" before...and I don't mean location: I mean in my life....but I have been embraced. Rather than try to struggle and resist (like I have done in the past), I have relaxed, appreciated the embrace and decided to hug back.<br /><br />Please forgive the vague terms...I hope to elaborate eventually. I am still sorting through these huge emotions. I decided to write about it because I know it helps to "get it out" and i figured I might get some appreciated feedback.<br /><br />I already feel better. I was able to muddle through these thoughts with no tears. In fact, I just realized that I was smiling while thinking of him. <br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-7339047749586756402011-08-19T13:37:00.001-07:002011-08-19T13:37:11.854-07:00<br />SPY KIDS IN 4D!!!!!!<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/08/19/3216.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/08/19/s_3216.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-57257100424496706172011-08-18T05:28:00.000-07:002011-08-18T05:28:02.748-07:00Introducing....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ka1s7uOezCY?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<b><i>Ok, first things first:</i></b><br />
I realize that this blog is called "Beyond the Bunion" and I have a big ole bunion on my right foot....but let's just overlook that. The right foot is the The Good Foot, so I'll take it with a bunion.<br />
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For those new to my writing, my original impetus for blogging was a Sarcoma tumor on my knee. It looked very much like a bunion; thus the nickname "Knee-Bunion". I left <a href="http://smackcancer.blogspot.com/">that blog</a> behind, when I left that "ordeal" behind.....but it has limpily caught up with me again.<br />
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Introducing my Floppy Foot. This is due to nerve damage from radiation and surgery from 2007. It worked fine until the fall of 2010. It's strange that my foot operated perfectly until then...and the docs are stumped.<br />
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I have some more tests next week.<br />
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I'm learning how to get used to it. Makes for a funny video,though, eh?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-75792127754353291302011-08-18T05:04:00.000-07:002011-08-18T05:04:11.437-07:00Key Lime pie for breakfast.I don't know what woke me up the first time. I shouldn't have looked at the clock. Once I saw that it was 3:45 am, my brain started moving. I tried hard to just think about getting to sleep...but my thoughts wandered all over the place and ended up in the fridge. I happen to have some Key Lime pie in there.<br />
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I might have drifted in and out of a restless sleep for the next 2 hours. (I hope so because this is going to be a bizizzy day, without time for my favored power-siestas AND it's a work night.) I thought about all kinds of stuff going on right now: school starting, laundry...a new phase in my work-life, marital stuff, house renovations, bikini waxing....floppy-foot-itis.....key lime pie...<br />
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Then, as I was drifting off to sleep, I felt a tickle. "Oh, that Junior...his fur sure is soft", i thought, as i felt my dog at my feet. I felt it again near my face, but just brushed away what was sure to be a stray hair bothering me. When i felt the same familiar tickle on my hand, I had to jump up and turn on the light to confirm my dreaded suspicion: i screamed when i saw the odd looking bug. While I was slightly relieved to see that it <i>wasn't</i> a roach, I was WIDE awake by then. Time for some Key Lime.<br />
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(that's some eggs and fruit for breakfast, no? well, anyway; i had some milk, too, so maybe there is some nutritional value in there somewhere!)<br />
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Sooooo.....what's the latest keeping me awake these days? I reckon it will take several posts to get caught up, but I am up for it. I was so pleased to see the comments awaiting me from my last few meager entries; thank you all for reading. This is a touch-stone of sorts for me.<br />
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I can't stand complainers, or worse yet, hearing myself complain; yet that seems to be the bulk of what's been occupying my thoughts recently. I've sunken into one too many "pity parties" and I am tired of it...sooo ready to move on! I'm ready to dig out of this rut. <br />
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Good thing i ate breakfast!!<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-793791998883251582011-08-16T23:02:00.000-07:002011-08-16T23:02:23.523-07:00Sweet Reunion...Oh! This is so true: we don't realize what we have, until it is gone!!! <br />
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I just got home with my trusty ole friend, LapTop, after having had him gone for a week. Granted, he has slimmed down almost beyond recognition....but I'll get him back into shape toute suite!! I'm just so glad to have him back. I didn't realize how much time we spent together, until he decided to take a long, stubborn & selfish nap. I suppose I can learn to forgive him for losing...or eating?....my pictures and other data. Thankfully, we have some support to help heal our relationship. I think everything is going to be ok....I just thought I'd share that with everyone.<br />
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It's good to be back.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-55898258155708109102011-08-16T22:56:00.000-07:002011-08-16T22:56:29.483-07:00"It's the most wonderful time of the year...."<div style="text-align: center;">I used to HATE <a href="http://youtu.be/fwcYbo7pjto">this commercial</a>...but that was back when i was a teacher, and this commercial mocked the painful end of the summer. I really didn't "get it" at all!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/mPIIMbG9R4w?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">Of course, that was also before I was a PARENT. Now I can't seem to get this song out of my head.</div><br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-44102485956332620562011-04-24T11:40:00.001-07:002011-04-24T11:40:47.550-07:00Happy Easter<br /><p align='center'><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/VHkAUoAvTc0" width="400" height="300"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VHkAUoAvTc0" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><!-- Fallback content --><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHkAUoAvTc0"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/VHkAUoAvTc0/0.jpg" width="400" height="300" />YouTube Video</a></object></p>- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-80716461396175898562011-04-22T20:35:00.001-07:002011-04-22T20:35:01.657-07:00<br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-78580654268583190282011-04-22T20:24:00.001-07:002011-04-22T20:24:46.462-07:00<br /><br /><center><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/whistlingfool/StupidCancer#5598614781281680130'><img src='http://lh5.ggpht.com/_D9XBMorH8jA/TbJGexiLuwI/AAAAAAAAA2c/iTbNlCD7dL8/s288/0.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-57082076922611654402011-04-20T07:30:00.001-07:002011-04-20T07:30:51.971-07:00All The Ladies in the House...<br /><br /><center><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/whistlingfool/StupidCancer#5597673179792382290'><img src='http://lh5.ggpht.com/_D9XBMorH8jA/Ta7uGWpBmVI/AAAAAAAAA2M/kzNG4XxONxg/s288/1.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br /><br /><center><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/whistlingfool/StupidCancer#5597673183823757410'><img src='http://lh4.ggpht.com/_D9XBMorH8jA/Ta7uGlqLgGI/AAAAAAAAA2Q/jSQwLIw-EXA/s288/0.jpg' border='0' width='281' height='210' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Bertner%20Ave,Houston,United%20States%4029.705328%2C-95.399100&z=10'>Bertner Ave,Houston,United States</a></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-23707350203670591142011-04-20T06:47:00.001-07:002011-04-20T06:47:57.475-07:00Here we go....On another adventure at MDAnderson. This is a test...this is only a test...to see if I can blog from my phone. <br /><br /><center><a href='https://picasaweb.google.com/whistlingfool/StupidCancer02#5597662125247486962'><img src='http://lh6.ggpht.com/_D9XBMorH8jA/Ta7kC5QI2_I/AAAAAAAAA2E/eVL-odtrSaQ/s288/0.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-34036488698221719992011-04-12T11:26:00.000-07:002011-04-12T11:26:21.187-07:00Farewell, my friends!<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"> ...my shoe friends, that is.</span></strong></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GYN7-0XFXto/TaSYCuGKIcI/AAAAAAAAA1o/gWDjaMD6_hk/s1600/Ruby20110124_0186.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" r6="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GYN7-0XFXto/TaSYCuGKIcI/AAAAAAAAA1o/gWDjaMD6_hk/s640/Ruby20110124_0186.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">So, I spent yesterday taking pictures of scads of shoes.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CyzxvIchN-0/TaReS4RgvII/AAAAAAAAA1Q/kf8bKy83IrU/s1600/IMG_2320.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" r6="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CyzxvIchN-0/TaReS4RgvII/AAAAAAAAA1Q/kf8bKy83IrU/s320/IMG_2320.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yGLtQwA75gE/TaReNGTB3UI/AAAAAAAAA1M/4VSX15_mIAk/s1600/IMG_2327.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" r6="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yGLtQwA75gE/TaReNGTB3UI/AAAAAAAAA1M/4VSX15_mIAk/s320/IMG_2327.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I realized i have WAY too many shoes, anyway. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I will be posting them on eBay </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">eventually...</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">This is a longer process than i thought... </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mEij9EbMgqg/TaReZlHAJbI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/kuWY5Gs5y4E/s1600/IMG_2324.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" r6="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mEij9EbMgqg/TaReZlHAJbI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/kuWY5Gs5y4E/s320/IMG_2324.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;">In the meantime, i will keep my peops posted here. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Qb66uPflZjk/TaReWQwbaoI/AAAAAAAAA1U/E2dc3c2UA9Y/s1600/IMG_2323.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" r6="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Qb66uPflZjk/TaReWQwbaoI/AAAAAAAAA1U/E2dc3c2UA9Y/s320/IMG_2323.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS:)</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I'm going to donate 1/2 to I2Y Cancer Foundation</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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The other half is going towards finding me some comfortable shoes. <br />
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If you, or anyone you know, wears a size 9, keep this in mind. <br />
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I'll update with more details later. In the meantime, you can check this out: <a href="http://www.i2y.org/">http://www.i2y.org/</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-14496490304023163512011-04-11T09:38:00.000-07:002011-04-11T09:38:36.425-07:00Moving forward...in small gimpy stepsDeep breath.<br />
I've been in and out of a pity-party for a week. thanks to sympathetic and supportive friends & family, I can turn my focus to the positive things, and not stew in the negative. I gotta move forward...gimpy gait and all. <br />
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To summarize & update: in the last 6 months or so, my foot started to behave differently. It came on gradually and was a periodic disruption, which i was able to ignore/carry on without much concern. After a few trips led to some actual falls, I started to become concerned. Luckily, each time I lost my balance, I was able to catch myself so that I didn't get hurt. What has been damaged, however, was a sense of sure-footed-ness...that snuck away so smoothly i can hardly remember the last time I felt sure-footed. <br />
That's Big Bitch #1.<br />
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I've had 2 trips to MDA to have specific tests. The first test gave false hope--and maybe things weren't as bad at that time--but my doc said a new little bump was not cancer (i didn't even know of this bump, it was so small.) She also said it was too early for "Floppy Foot" to show up as a result of surgery, and that if i would just do some exercises, I would be able to "carry on as normal" including wearing heels. <br />
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This is Big Bitch #2: She was way wrong on that one. If my foot is in any sort of angle, it gets numb and does not want to move. There's no way i can wear heels. This has taken some time (i KNOW its ridiculously insignificant in the whole scheme of things) but i can learn to live with this.<br />
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So, my more recent MDA trip involved a series of nerve tests, involving shocks and pokes and general all-around discomfort. That doc asked me all sorts of questions, trying to determine what changes have taken place since surgery/healing in 2007. At one point, he actually said he was baffled. There have been no obvious changes that we could pin-point.<br />
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Although i am still awaiting results from those tests, I get the feeling that the "Almost-5 years" that i had post-surgery might have been an anomaly. Maybe I had unusual results and my body is settling into what is typical of a surgery of this nature. (see <a href="http://www.smackcancer.blogspot.com/">http://www.smackcancer.blogspot.com/</a>) I have to start looking at it that way.<br />
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The awesome, highly educated doctors at MDA actually call this condition "FLOPPY FOOT". When I first heard it, there was this awkward moment where I laughed...expecting the "just kidding" or something to indicate its a joke. There was the pregnant pause of silence, where i realized there wasn't going to be a punchline. It is seriously called Floppy Foot. Hmmm. <br />
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There is another term "Drop Foot", which doesn't seem to be used as much. Maybe its Old School Medical terminolgy? Regardless, Floppy Foot has already stuck. You would think there would be some sort of Latin term they could use to jazz it up a bit. I guess there aren't many words scarier than Cancer, so perhaps they like to throw around names like that. After hearing Sarcoma, whats a little Floppy Foot on the chart??<br />
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I guess it could be worse. To me, "Floppy" conjures imagery of soft, cuddley things....like a rabbit with big, floppy ears. Or a plush, stuffed animal that a favorite to snuggle up with. At least its not called "Trip Foot" or "Stumble Toes". "Clutz Causer"...<br />
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The Big Bitch #3 is that i have to consciensly THINK about every step, to make sure that i bend my knee and lift up my foot so that it doesn't lag behind for me to trip over. Sometimes i forget, or I might step on an uneven surface...its an ever-present concern. Every freaking step....something that I used to take for granted. Our feet are an amazing combination of nerves, tiny bones and cartilidges....wow!! Just a little nerve damage has caused such a change that i now have to be aware of every step. Maybe this will become second nature.<br />
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So far, aside from my downer-attitude of pity-party and "I can't wear heels" whining....things are just fine. I can get around, do what i need to do and stay active.<br />
<br />
Really, I was lucky to have the past 4 years. I actually roller-skated a month after my physical therapy. I wore any fabulous shoe that i wanted...even up until the end of last year. I was able to garden, exercise and do anything I used to do...without feeling much different.<br />
<br />
I am still gardening and exercising, but the skating and fabulous heel-wearing seem like a distant memory. I've got to look on the bright side, and stick with thinking about what i can do NOW instead of not doing what i USED TO do. Who knows? Maybe this will make me an awesome clogger!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-63172899677567610242011-04-06T23:44:00.000-07:002011-04-06T23:44:29.125-07:00i thought i was smooooth sailing....The fifth year is a big deal to a cancer survivor. Its the time when you go from having a follow-up every 6 months (or every year, for some)...to being in the clear. Your chance of "survival", or no re-occurance, or just having a normal-no-going-to-the-hospital-and-having-to-say-imafreakingcancerpatient....you are supposed to be wrapping it up the 5th year.<br />
<br />
My fifth year isn't looking like that. I seem to have had an unusual situation, where the 4 years following surgery were sweet and now....not so sweet.<br />
<br />
im pissed. <br />
the reasons that bother me are so bothersome and, frankly, embarassing.....i can't adequately describe in words.<br />
its such a downer.<br />
i really wanted to celebrate this year.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-55729813831102151602011-02-16T09:33:00.000-08:002011-02-16T09:33:47.819-08:00In the Sweet Bye and ByeThis morning started out like any other day. <br />
<br />
On our way to school, I had to pull over to let a firetruck whiz past and, as I was pulled over and looking ahead, I saw where he was going. There was a wreck directly at the entrance of our school. The cars were backed up in both directions and several cars in front of me were turning around so that they didn't have to wait. Everything was at a stand-still--including my heart.<br />
<br />
I was rubber-necking like I never have before, hoping to see that everything was ok and to see if it was someone from school. We saw two mangled cars, with airbags askew...and then i saw some people on the side of the road. Tread saw them too.<br />
<br />
This was the moment that is the freeze-frame of my mind: Tread yelled "It's Sydney!" , a classmate and good friend of his. When I looked to see a woman leaning over a person laid beside the car, for a moment i also thought it this girl and her mother. The moment I realized that it was <em>not</em> who we both thought it was, time resumed its normal pace and i was overwhelmed with relief. As I focused on trying to get past the wreckage and navigate my way towards the school, I tried to maintain composure and reassure my son that his friend was not in the wreck. We prayed that those involved would be ok. I saw that the person was moving and the ambulance was there, so things seemed positive.<br />
<br />
The scene at the school was unlike most mornings, where the normal hustle and bustle was replaced with quiet, concerned faces looking out the windows. Teachers had calculated calm instructions for the kids in the classrooms, as they met in the hallway and whispered what they had seen or heard. The secretary was fielding phone calls. <br />
<br />
Tread's teacher had some of his work to show me, so I followed her to the classroom. Conversation veered back to the events of the morning and she shared that she had lost both her grandparents at once in a fatal accident. As she was telling me the story, it dawned on her that this week was the 9th anniversary of when it happened. She remembers the details of how they had just come to visit her hours before the accident, and her grandfather told her how much he loved her. She recalled the moment with vivid clarity.<br />
<br />
A week after their deaths, she said it was a dreary day and she was overwhelmed with sadness. She recounted how she pulled up to her house and saw 2 "little brown birds" splashing in some water and, for some reason, it caught her eye. She told me that the hymn <span id="goog_861691484"></span>"<a href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ciframe%20title=%22YouTube%20video%20player%22%20width=%22480%22%20height=%22390%22%20src=%22http://www.youtube.com/embed/cRWu3C2Im04%22%20frameborder=%220%22%20allowfullscreen%3E%3C/iframe%3E">In the Sweet Bye and Bye"<span id="goog_861691485"></span></a> was playing in her car at that moment and she felt an incredible peace come over her. She watched the birds, listened to the song and felt ok.<br />
<br />
I left the school building and sat in my car, watching as the wreckers loaded up the twisted cars, this old hymn going through my head.<br />
<br />
A regular routine of a morning, to be shaken up by an unforeseen event. The people involved in the accident had been going through their regular morning routine, as well. Little do they realize the impact their experience had on everyone in our little school. Prayers sent up in little voices....memories recounted by sentimental adults. So many things to be thankful for. A day like every other day....a gft.<br />
<br />
As I sat in my car, pondering these thoughts and emotions, a blue flurry outside caught my eye. A few precious bluebirds were scurrying about...which always makes me smile.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: right;"><a href="http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/IMAGES/Missouri/easternBluebird_ownby1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="408" id="il_fi" src="http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/IMAGES/Missouri/easternBluebird_ownby1.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="380" /></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ciframe%20title=%22YouTube%20video%20player%22%20width=%22480%22%20height=%22390%22%20src=%22http://www.youtube.com/embed/cRWu3C2Im04%22%20frameborder=%220%22%20allowfullscreen%3E%3C/iframe%3E">In the Sweet Bye and Bye</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">There's a land that is fairer than day,<br />
And by faith we can see it afar;<br />
For the Father waits over the way<br />
To prepare us a dwelling place there.<br />
<br />
In the sweet by and by,<br />
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;<br />
In the sweet by and by,<br />
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.<br />
<br />
We shall sing on that beautiful shore<br />
The melodious songs of the blessed;<br />
And our spirits shall sorrow no more,<br />
Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.<br />
<br />
In the sweet by and by,<br />
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;<br />
In the sweet by and by,<br />
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.<br />
<br />
To our bountiful Father above,<br />
We will offer our tribute of praise<br />
For the glorious gift of His love<br />
And the blessings that hallow our days.<br />
<br />
In the sweet by and by,<br />
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;<br />
In the sweet by and by,<br />
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="left"></div><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;"><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-59177479023733577722011-01-19T23:07:00.000-08:002011-01-19T23:07:44.371-08:00Let's dwell.....So I'm 40 now. Thank God Ive got <em>that</em> behind me and i can quit saying "I'm fixin' to be 40".<br />
<br />
The anticipation leading up to the birthday was maddening, but that frame of mind included post-holiday doldrums, coupled with some cabin fever. Also, we've had some crappy weather lately and i haven't been outside like i usually like to be. PLUS...i've dwelled. I agonized, over-analyzed, read too much Internet stuff, watched Dr.Oz too much....dwelled! I'm soooo ready to move on.<br />
<br />
i think. <br />
First i might want to write about dwelling.<br />
<br />
Really, it isn't too terribly different, this 40 thing. <em>It just so happens</em> that some pretty significant changes are taking place as I reach this milestone. I have realized in recent years that I function better with a little routine, and i get out-of-sorts when things interfere with this routine. (Just writing/acknowledging that makes me feel "set in my ways"...which is technically the polar opposite of "young-and-hip", right?)<br />
<br />
That's ok...I am embracing the right to say whatever i damn-well please, because that's what we GET to do as we get older, right???!!! Today I actually started a conversation with "Well, I really like Consumer Reports because..." For realz.<br />
<br />
The biggest change that i am dealing with is a career change. Since I had been a stay-at-home mom for 5 years, I think this transition has gone a little smoother than it could have if I'd switched gears from a full-time job, though. Also, after spending a year in the classroom, I was very, VERY motivated to make this opportunity work. The timing was perfect...even if going from Middle School Art Teacher to Tattoo Artist sounded crazy to a LOT of people.<br />
<br />
Even if it sounds crazy to some, to me it truly seems like the right thing to do...so I've jumped in with both feet. I will be an apprentice for a long time to come, and that is a very humbling position to be in. I enjoy learning something new, but there are days that I wish I had more confidence and become impatient about that. Of course, often my thoughts run to "if only i had started this when i was younger...". At my age, it seems like I ought to be really good at what i do for a living. I felt that confidence with teaching...and i know that eventually, I can work up to that in this field. This thought haunts me: I don't have as much time as I used to.<br />
<br />
That haunting thought started with Cancer and never left. My experience definitely had an impact on me, but so has losing several people to It. Cancer is freaking scary...and unpredictable. Every minute of every day counts.<br />
<br />
I can understand some of the stereotypes people put on old-timers, one of them being "grumpy" or "cranky". I am (hesitantly) starting to relate. Time goes by quicker, your body starts to change or quits cooperating, people you love get sick or die, babies grow up, hair falls out or turns gray (!!) your sense of humor becomes dated, young people call you ma'am or don't acknowledge you, you become acutely aware of your diet, you like Consumer Reports, etc......of course we get grumpy! What the hell?<br />
<br />
Ok, so i am a potentially cranky gal on a new career path! It's exciting and I'm taking it on as a challenge...awkward, uncomfortable, humbling moments and all! It's the other Big Change that makes things a little more challenging:<br />
<br />
Quitting Smoking. <br />
I was a closet smoker and pretty much in denial about how much these Stinky Sticks had eeked their way into my life. For years, I bragged that I had this smoking thing at "arms-length" and "I told the cigs when i was going to have them, <em>they</em> didn't tell <em>m</em>e!" Ha!<br />
<br />
While it's true that I only smoked in social settings for years...and did <strong>not</strong> smoke for the entire 9 months i was pregnant, nor the 13 months i nursed...I was fooling myself about the power of the cigarettes addictive nature. I didnt' even realize it when they crept into my daily routine (there's that confounded word again!) until i tried to cut them out. They made it known, very abruptly, that I DID need them and<em> they</em> would now be the ones saying when I needed them. I was no longer in control of that little relationship.<br />
<br />
So I broke it off.<br />
...but like a jilted ex of an abusive lover, i still pine for them, at times. Then, I have to deny myself and struggle with a few things: 1) I am not young and care-free 2) that habit is chipping away at years that are dwindling away anyway 3) I can't set a bad example for my son 4) its time to learn some self-discipline, dagnabit! Man, it was so much easier in my 20's, when i thought i had my whole life ahead of me, my body was resilient and i was only responsible for myself. Easy Street.<br />
<br />
Well...now "Easy Street" is wrought with potholes, the street lamps are dimming and the sidewalks are cracked. It's not as long as it used to be, there are some really bumpy sections and you are going to have some unexpected detours.<br />
<br />
Good thing i have a jeep.<br />
I can handle it.<br />
It's an adventure.<br />
<br />
What's wrong with dwelling, anyway?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-9170223414150829762010-12-16T11:03:00.000-08:002010-12-16T11:03:05.879-08:00Merry Christmas Everyone!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-71802020342175529002010-11-29T22:48:00.000-08:002010-11-29T22:48:56.961-08:00Sleep Crap-neaNice rainy night + loud snoring + thoughts keeping me up= BlogTime.<br />
<br />
Thoughts in my head:<br />
<br />
* I'm in my last month of my 30's. January brings on the big 40.<br />
* I'm very content with most aspects of my life...yet my confidence about some things wanes.<br />
* My "trick" knee/leg have been acting funny. It pisses me off...and the reason i'm most pissed is a little stupid and too vain for me to admit in print right now.<br />
* I think i might need to change blog format.<br />
* freakin Indian Meal moths have INVADED my house and made me a spastic-Tourettes-reacting neurotic nut.<br />
* I dont trust the food industry. I still like the crap they sell though.<br />
* I quit cigarettes. Sometimes i miss them...i won't dwell on that...this is prime-smoking trigger-time<br />
* I love my new job...it's going to take some time to feel the confidence i'd like, though. I really want to pull my weight at the shop and sometimes i don't feel like i am contributing as much as the other artists. It's a time thing: i'm the only one there with a kid.<br />
* I'm become scared of cancer. More now, than when i had it.<br />
* i am also very pissed at cancer now.<br />
<br />
To summarize:<br />
I'm an insecure, obsessive, neurotic, paranoid hypochondriac, with a gimp leg and a chip on her shoulder, who lacks confidence, yet switched careers and gave up smoking at the ripe age of 40. Maybe its a good thing i'm scatter-brained and lack focus; I don't really dwell on any of the points and my usual state is happiness..but then there is something to remind me...and distract me.<br />
<br />
No wonder i can't sleep.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-24087913171544823132010-11-19T22:54:00.001-08:002010-11-19T23:51:00.756-08:00from "Daddy" to "Marilyn"Today was just one of those days that i can't say "good-night" to, until i recap.<br /><br />This morning, before i even went to work, i had a FULL day; none of which will pertain to this post....but note-worthy in that i had pretty much had a great day by noon. Little did i know the rest of the day would be a doozy.<br /><br />Before noon: exercised with Wii, Violin lesson with T, drove 3 young'uns to nursing home field trip, served hot lunch at t's school, nap, shower, work. <br /><br />Badda Bing, Badda Boom: full day, right? Wrong!<br /><br />THEN...right after i arrived to work, my first appointment came early and i had to hit the ground running. She was a former student; one of the best I had from "Alcatraz". She entrusted my newbie skills to a sentimental cross, which was commemorating the loss of her father. She had the design ready to go...so i gave her a good deal. We were both happy with how it turned out.<br /><br />The rest of the day was spent working on various things until the next, and last, fella came in. He came right up to me and said he wanted a tattoo that said "Marilyn" with some dates. He was kinda scruffy and not exactly <em>pleasant in the olfactory department</em>...but he had an itch and was cool with letting an apprentice scratch it.<br /><br /> He was a stocky little dude; I pretty much towered over him. From his clothes, boots and hands, i gathered that he was hard-working; to the point of wearing out the deoderant he may or may not have worn at some point today. He had a few home-made tats, which can typically cause one to make certain assumptions about his life experiences. Based on a brief conversation, involving some pretty creative grammatical slaughtering, I could gather that he probably hadn't been too interested in school. And i won't even go into the dental hygene....or lack thereof.<br /><br />These were all obvious details that most people see about this guy. All us assholes judging a book by a cover.<br /><br />In this shop, where this guy felt comfortable to be himself, I got to learn a little more. It turns out that the name he wanted was his mothers name. The dates were her birthday and the day she died. He described a yellow rose for her, the name and the dates...and said he'd been thinking about getting a tattoo since he had been to her funeral...2 months ago. She was buried states away and, since he couldn't visit her headstone in some depressing cemetary far from here, he wanted this tattoo to see everyday.<br /><br />During the next few hours, I learned more about this guy...and his relationship to his mom. She had left him when he was a kid. As he told me the story, he revisited the pain that caused (and likely still does) as a young boy, but told me how he understood the circumstances in which she left. He later ran away to be with her and, after a turmultuous reunion, he spent his teenage years making up for lost time. He said they were best friends.<br /><br />Never mind that this guy called his "significant other" his "Old Lady"....and he asked me what my "Old Man" thought about my tattooing. (Santa? Father Time? Who's my Old Man?) He also said things like "I ain't trippin" and called me "Dude". I could look past all that and see the consideration in his forewarned "I'm gonna sweat....and its gonna stink." As crude as that is, i think it was his way of giving me a heads up (noses up) and being considerate. <br /><br />I don't know; maybe being a mom to a son has made me all sappy. Maybe i've huffed too many B.O fumes and am not thinking straight...but i found it endearing that even this "unsavory" fella missed his mama. His eyes watered when he talked about remembering the sound of her laugh, how he dreamed about her recently....and how he doesn't remember the funeral.<br /><br />I asked him if she would like the tattoo and he said "Hell, yeah."<br />We tattooed it on his chest, over his heart.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-54925743747991873872010-11-19T22:43:00.000-08:002010-11-19T22:53:59.956-08:00Another come-back?So.....I have a new job at a Casey's Tattoo. I realize it is a huge leap from recent posts, but i don't even know how to catch up writing about it. In fact, the thought of summarizing is so daunting that it has kept me from writing at all. I don't even know where to begin.<br /><br />I also toyed with the idea of starting another blog--AGAIN? Then i figured that would be like my penchant for buying cookbooks--even though i don't cook!! Just because it's new & exciting doesn't mean i'm actually going to put it to use.<br /><br />Tonite i just wanted to write, so i threw aside all creative block-obstacles. I reckon i'll stick with this old blog. It's been here for me all this time....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-8120381417685517852010-08-22T22:06:00.001-07:002010-08-22T22:06:09.971-07:00The Office "Quotes"During a meeting, the Office is discussing the correct usage of "whoever" and "whomever". Toby gets the definition right and points out that Michael had used it in the correct way...to which Michael says:<br />"No one, uh, asked you anything-ever-so, whomever's name is Toby; why don't you take a letter opener and stick it in your skull"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-4388329746682130682010-08-15T23:40:00.000-07:002010-11-29T22:25:23.052-08:00up late again<div>since i couldn't sleep AGAIN, i figured that I'd get up and write about it. </div><br />
<div></div><br />
<div>A few hours ago, when i was tossing and turning, i decided to get up and look through old pictures. I time-traveled back through memories and hair colors, relived fun times and saw faces of people i will never see again. I found old college pictures, wedding pictures, family shots and party pix from every imaginable (and not so imaginable) occasion...but i couldn't find what i was looking for. </div><br />
<div></div><br />
<div>Until the last box. </div><div>My illusive friend...I didn't realize until tonight how terribly tricky she was about avoiding the camera. Somehow, she was caught on film. </div><br />
<div></div>This is my only picture of Ricann Clay. She came with Conny to visit Tread...just days old.<br />
<div></div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D9XBMorH8jA/TGjfka8hI7I/AAAAAAAAAfU/IP289uengFo/s1600/ricann+%26+conny.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5505896361261867954" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D9XBMorH8jA/TGjfka8hI7I/AAAAAAAAAfU/IP289uengFo/s400/ricann+%26+conny.jpg" style="cursor: hand; height: 309px; width: 400px;" /></a><br />
I think i can go to sleep now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-16423578265181024262010-08-08T23:57:00.001-07:002010-08-08T23:57:33.626-07:00good tvi love Tosh.O!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-561152134596154919.post-74139436969789125532010-08-08T16:14:00.000-07:002010-08-08T16:14:45.640-07:00Fresh Prince - Drums and dance<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_Xmu-DOTChE&hl=en_US&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_Xmu-DOTChE&hl=en_US&fs=1" width="425" height="344" allowscriptaccess="never" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0